Hampshire &amp; Isle of Wight


<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://hants.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas.jpg" alt="Young child playing toys at Christmas who gets the kids" class="wp-image-24744" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas-300x200.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas-720x480.jpg 720w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas-768x512.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-at-Christmas-787x525.jpg 787w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>Aside
from the post-bedtime Bailey’s and TV binge, if you’re a parent, the joy of the
festive season is always in sharing your children’s excitement. But if you’re
divorced or separated, deciding who gets the pleasure of those magic moments on
Christmas morning can be a major source of disagreement.</p>



<p>From leaving snacks out for Santa and his reindeer on Christmas Eve to waking up at an unearthly hour and seeing their delighted faces on Christmas Day, all parents would, in an ideal world, spend every Christmas with their little ones, agrees Zoe Culverwell, family solicitor at <a href="https://parissmith.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">top Hampshire law firm Paris Smith LLP</a>. But for separated parents, that’s often not possible. </p>



<p>While
some do choose to spend it together as a family, despite being separated, most
have to deal with the unenviable task of dividing up the festive period to
decide who gets the kids at Christmas. And of course, it is not only each
parent who wants to spend time with their children, but members of the wider family
like grandparents, too.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://hants.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-24745" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1-720x480.jpg 720w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Zoe-Culverwell-Paris-Smith-1-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /><figcaption class="wp-element-caption"> Zoe Culverwell, family solicitor at Paris Smith LLP </figcaption></figure>



<p>Emotive stuff – and hardly surprising that the Paris Smith family law team often receive enquiries at this time of year from parents who simply cannot agree. So how to break the deadlock? Zoe, it’s over to you&#8230; </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-don-t-delay">Don’t delay</h2>



<p>The
starting point in any child arrangements where both parents have parental
responsibility is to try and reach an arrangement. Where parents cannot agree
and have exhausted options such as mediation, either parent could make an
application to the court for it to decide on the schedule of care for the
child. </p>



<p>With
Christmas now less one month away – and our court system severely overburdened
– the prospect of having the court decide the issue in time for this Christmas
has long passed. And while there may still be time to use mediation, parents that
haven’t agreed need to focus on trying to break the deadlock directly.</p>



<p>Finding
arrangements that work for the whole family are likely to result in significant
back and forth. Time is running out. Rather than have discussions with your
ex-partner via email, consider other options such as a face-to-face or
telephone discussion. Likewise, it’s all too easy to misinterpret emails, which
can make things even more difficult. With a bit of goodwill, you’ll cut through
matters far quicker than by trying to communicate in writing.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-child-focussed">Be child-focussed</h2>



<p>Rather
than focus on what you or members of your wider family want, think about what
your child would like. Given the choice, most children will want to spend time
with both of their parents over Christmas but be mindful of the practicalities:
young children will likely be up early on Christmas Day and expecting them to
move between homes in the late afternoon/early evening when they’re tired is
quite tough. While older children may not struggle with tiredness, they’ll
likely want to relax with full bellies in their new comfies rather than get in
the car and travel to their other parent’s house. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-compromise">Compromise</h2>



<p>Try
to put yourself in the other parent’s shoes – and think long-term too. What
were the arrangements last year? What will the arrangements be next year? Can
you break the deadlock by agreeing that, whatever the arrangements are in 2021,
they will reverse in 2022 and alternate thereafter? Whilst this may lead to
disappointment for one parent in 2021, it will give you the opportunity to plan
following years and ensure the run up to Christmas in future is filled with
festive cheer and excitement – not difficult discussions. </p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://hants.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas.jpg" alt="Daughter and dad hug Christmas. Resolving disputes who gets the kids at Christmas." class="wp-image-24746" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas-300x200.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas-720x480.jpg 720w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas-768x512.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/hants/wp-content/uploads/sites/17/2021/11/Child-dad-hug-Christmas-787x525.jpg 787w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>Many
parents agree, for example, that their children will spend Christmas Eve and
Christmas morning with one parent, followed by Christmas afternoon and Boxing
Day with the other parent. This then alternates each year. Other parents decide
not to split Christmas Day and instead agree that their children shall spend
the 24th and 25th of December with one parent, with the 26th and 27th of
December with the other parent, again alternating each year. If it does become
necessary, arrangements like this are likely to be considered fair and
child-focussed by the family court. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-creative">Be creative</h2>



<p>There
are many tried and tested schedules for Christmas but no single ‘right’ answer.
It’s about finding arrangements that work for the whole family and, most
importantly, your children. That is what a court would try to do if you and
your co-parent were unable to agree, but, ultimately, no one knows your
children like you do. With this in mind, consider other special occasions
throughout the year such as birthdays, New Year or Easter. Might it be that
your co-parent will agree to your proposed schedule over Christmas if you
ensure the children spend New Year and/or Easter with them? </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-write-down-what-s-been-decided">Write down what’s been decided</h2>



<p>Once
you have settled on what the arrangements should be, record them in writing so
that you limit the opportunity for disagreement moving forward. Entering into
an agreement such as a parenting plan can be very helpful and assist with
promoting trust and confidence between co-parents. Drafting such a document in
January can also be very helpful to focus the mind and ensure that the
arrangements for the rest of the year, to include the division of the school
holidays, are not left until the last minute.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-tell-the-kids">Tell the kids</h2>



<p>Finally, once you have your agreed
arrangements in place, let your children know what the plans are and deliver
that in a positive, child-friendly way. All that is left to do then is stick to
the plans that have been made and avoid any last-minute changes or time-keeping
issues, so that Christmas can be enjoyed by the whole family – and, most
importantly, your children. </p>



<p><em>For more advice about </em><a href="https://parissmith.co.uk/your-life/family-law/family-mediation/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>family law and mediation</em></a><em>, contact a member of the </em><a href="https://parissmith.co.uk/your-life/family-law/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Paris Smith&nbsp;Family team</em></a><em>.</em></p>


Family SOS – How to decide who gets the kids this Christmas

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